Those Words shared by My Dad Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good place. You need support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to communicate among men, who continue to absorb negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a friend, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my job is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."